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So, I get home. Just worked 10 hours (it's meeting day, hooray!), super busy day on top of a rough night sleeping last night. Pounding headache. I grab some food, hit up the internet, and take refuge in the thing that always takes my mind off of things: sports. And I see this bullshit:
"Wizards close on 4-year, $50 million extension for Jamison"
Goddammit, Wizards. Apparently somebody has got it in Ernie Grunfeld's head that we can be just like the Celtics, just with lesser pieces and no defense. So far in the scant few weeks of the NBA offseason, they drafted a raw-ass bust-to-be project in JaVale McGee (who doesn't offer much more than a, say, Andray Blatche... whose already on the damn roster!). By all indicators, they seem ready to heave a max deal on Gilbert Arenas, who is arguably detrimental to the team concept, sat out a majority of last year and served as a sixth man these past playoffs, and missed last year's postseason entirely. And even when he's been healthy, it hasn't translated to success on the court when it mattered, despite his usually guady numbers and a weak East. And now they're offering $50 million to 32 year old Antawn Jamison. I love Antawn, dude is an offensive genius, great shooter for a power foward and is real crafty in scoring around the basket. He's also a terror on the glass. But he's not a banger. He's not a shotblocker. He's not even anymore than a mediocre defender at his best. It's nothing that gets you deep in the playoff or prolonged success, despite what the numbers may indicate. Instead of dumping all this money on these guys for the sake of box office success, let 'em go. Invest in a passing point guard who can set-up Caron and Nick Young. Get some defenders. Get a banger at the 4. Try and improve the Brendan Haywood/Etan Thomas center tandem. Do something besides throwing money at what hasn't worked. GAH.
If Josh Smith signs with a new team this year, they're my new favorites. Done deal. And when the Wizards don't make it past the second round the next four-five years, I'll be everything but surprised.
SHAYNE MAD RARGH.
Yes, boys and girls (PSYCHE! I know no girl would read this =/), it's that time of the year again. Shayne's version of Christmas, my birthday, and Arbor Day all rolled into one: the NBA draft. Probably the thing I look forward to the most every year, which is sad considering it's names being called and not even the game itself. But nevertheless, I spend countless hours and amounts of company bandwidth reading up on and watching clips of college phenoms, hidden gems, and obscure Europeans trying to figure out who will end up where and who will be the next all-star in the making. Also, there's always the fun part of seeing who the Wiz draft, so I can watch them grow throughout the season until they inevitably lose to the Cavs in the first round. Again.
So, while the Wizards are probably about to fuck themselves for the next six years by dumping max money on Gilbert's knees and over-paying Antawn to keep Gil happy (I love you 'Tawn, but your robbing Abe Pollin blind if you get more than $10 mil a year on your next deal), I can at least occupy myself by declaring my draft hopes and worst nightmares. So the following are the good and bad picks I can see being made with prospects that will fall to the Wiz at #18:
Thumbs Up:
Darrell Arthur - PF, Kansas - 6'9"/216 lbs
A great pick to eventually replace Antawn with plenty of inside savvy and a nice face-up game with solid range on his jumper. Also has a chance to contribute a lot more on the defensive end with excellent athleticism and greater commitment in general to that end of the floor. However, a lot of this (sans the defense, anyway) sounds like the description of Andray Blatche, whose already on the roster. But 'Dray's penchant for DUIs and hookers as of late may not have him in the best of lights with Coach Jordan and management. Probably needs to bulk up a bit, get some focus on the game, and get some experience, but could develop into a hell of a player at the 4. And there's that whole championship pedigree thing in his favor, too, if you care about those things.
Marreese Speights - PF/C, Florida - 6'10"/250 lbs
A brutally efficient low post scorer with a lot of touch and finesse. With his size and frame and really, style of play, could be a fantastic low post banger in the future if he gets the right attitude. Not a jaw-dropping athlete, but would still be a great step-up for the Wizards front court, as he can still get up and has very long arms and big hands to help him out. Also packs a nice jump shot which could use some range, but has sweet form. Could use some work on conditioning and focus, but that's par for the course for young bigs. Probably won't make it past Philly in the draft, but would be an excellent grab to develop in Washington, playing behind Antawn and even grabbing some minutes at center.
Donte Greene - SF, Syracuse - 6'9"/221 lbs
A personal favorite of mine who is another in the long line of super-athletic talented Maryland combo-forwards in recent years, along with Michael Beasley, Kevin Durant, Rudy Gay, and Carmelo Anthony. He's plummeting down draft boards right now because, sure, he might not actually understand how to "play basketball", but the kid's a freak. Outstanding athlete who can throw it down, great outside shooter (and he takes a lot of outside shots), explosive attacking the rim, and has good feel down in the post, both scoring and grabbing boards. Has defensive potential with his size and speed, but that may be asking too much right now. Like I said, a majority of concerns are around his shot selection (prior mentioned love of the three), court awareness and understanding, and general level of effort. He's a legit top 5-10 pick on potential alone, but the question is whether or not he can actually live up to it. I say it's worth it just for the local grab, and he can develop behind Caron at the 3, maybe behind Antawn a bit at the 4, and even do the Rudy Gay thing and get a little time at the 2 perhaps. I see him a lot like Thaddeus Young last year, who people thought had crazy potential but came out too early and was too raw, and ended up having quite a good year for the Sixers, with level of play that belied his age of 19. Just saying.
DeAndre Jordan - C, Texas A&M - 6'11" / 250 lbs
Another talent with immense potential who is falling as more and more GMs turn to proven products over upside and what could be. Jordan came into the year out of high school as a top 5 talent for this class, a center with legit Dwight Howard-esque athleticism and size. But he didn't put up great numbers in school, and was tremendously up-and-down. There's obviously a lot about the game he still needs to learn, but all the tools are certainly there. I think with his potential and sheer athletic prowess, he's worth a look if available when the Wizards pick, as front court athleticism is probably the #1 need in this draft, as Antawn is a great talent, but isn't shutting anyone down or throwing it down on them, and the center tandem of Brendan Haywood/Etan Thomas frequently look like they are playing in concrete. Getting a talent like Jordan's may certainly be worth the risk.
Robin Lopez - C, Stanford - 7'0" / 255 lbs
The far less-hyped twin brother of Brook Lopez, primarily because he lacks his brother's scoring prowess. But he is perhaps more athletic and has a much better feel on the defensive end of the floor, particularly in shot-blocking. Will probably have a hard time breaking double figures in scoring, but can probably step in right away and be a bigger, more athletic version of Anderson Varejao. Low post athleticism and defense would go a long way for the Wizards, and while Robin may not have tremendous upside, he could be a very solid player very quickly, contributing in key areas right away. Plus, the Sideshow Bob hair is certainly hard to pass up.
Nicolas Batum - SG/SF, France - 6'8" / 210 lbs
Another talent who fell through the year. Did not have a great year playing in Europe given his expectations, and is also dealing with talk currently that he may have heart complications, which is certainly a draft status killer. But he has the potential to be a great two-way swingman, with lauded defensive lockdown potential from the 1 to the 4 and outstanding athleticism and a good jumper with range on the offensive end. The typical Euro concerns apply (adjustments to the NBA game, adjustments to American culture, can he compete on a regular basis when his athleticism isn't such a pronounced advantage, etc) but he could make an outstanding backup swingman right away with star potential. It's a bit of a hard pick to justify with Nick Young getting picked last year at the 2 and Caron at the 3, but somebody's got to get picked here, and depth never hurt.
Thumbs Down:
Roy Hibbert - C, Georgetown - 7'2" / 278 lbs
Roy. Fuckin. Hibbert. There's talk that he could be the Wizards pick here if the Kings don't grab him or the Jazz don't move up, and it terrifies me. Yes, he's from Georgetown. Yes, he's 7'2" and fills the closest need at center. Yes, he's fairly talented. But he never dominated. He was regularly flummoxed when facing athletic bigs throughout college, the kind of dudes he'll be seeing every night at the NBA level. He's slow, and will be an absolute anchor in the Wizards up-tempo system. He also seems like a turnover waiting to happen. I hate to dump on the dude so much, especially when all accounts point to him being a thoroughly solid guy, but I really don't think he'll transition well to the next level. Maybe he'll average 20 and 12 and prove me completely wrong, but I truly hope the Wizards don't end up picking him. Sorry, big man.
JaVale McGee - C, Nevada - 7'0" / 241 lbs
A pick I don't like for reasons I'm still trying to convince myself of. Probably the player on this list I would feel best about taking, but there's something about him. He is huge, very athletic, and has an credible wingspan for pulling down boards and crushing shots. He also has the ability to step out and knock down the jump shot. My main gripes are with reports about his level of frustration and loss of composure in tough situations, which could very well be a mental barrier to him becoming a true force down low. And while the outside shot can certainly be a plus, it concerns me that it could lead to him drifting out on to the perimeter too often, especially with his relatively unrefined low post game. I think he has a ton of potential, but there are players who get that tag every year, and I see McGee as one of the ones most likely to fail to live up to it. I think he very well could be a good or great player, but there are more solid bets at this slot that I think are worth taking a shot on.
Alexis Ajinca - PF/C, France - 7'0" / 216 lbs
A name who has been big with European scouts the past few years who is flying up the draft board. But take a moment and think. I don't care how athletic he is. Seven feet tall. 216 pounds. When has that ever worked?!? He's getting labeled as a possible European KG, but that seems a way off. Tremendous potential with athleticism and relative feel, but needs to bulk up a ton and/or refine his game further in order to contribute at all on the NBA level. Probably would be broken in half if he went up against half of the 4/5s in the NBA today. Big reach that will either be awful or amazing for whatever team nabs him.
In thinking about the list of real people, it occurred to me: Why tether myself to the binding chains of reality? And always one to grasp for absurdity at every opportunity, I compiled the following list of five fictional characters that would have awesome friggin lives:
#5: V of V For Vendetta
Really, who wouldn't like to play the role of their friendly neighborhood terrorist, striking out at the corrupt establishment and wielding a variety of verbose vernacular guaranteed to make a language professor blush? Really, V just oozes cool both in the graphic novel and when portrayed as Hugo Weaving in the flick, and coupled with the kind of vigilantism most people would love to embrace deep down inside, it's hard to argue against living a life with that kind of conviction and purpose.
#4: Bruce Banner/The Hulk
Ever get mad at somebody and wish they would just shut up? Or wish that you could use a bus to line drive them through a skyscraper? Times like that would be handy to be able to turn into everyone's favorite big green walking weapon of mass destruction. Of course, there's the burden of potentially going crazy from time to time and murdering hundreds of people, but that's par for the course, really. And for what it's worth, Bruce Banner is a pretty sharp guy on top of it all. Sure, a little geeky and neurotic, but manageable enough to have the gift to turn into the world's most unstoppable force.
#3: The Wolf from Pulp Fiction
Played by the always ice cold Harvey Keitel, The Wolf is Marcellus Wallace's ultimate problem solver. Really, it seems like a sweet gig. Tons of respect, flashy cars, thick bankroll, impeccable style. Sure, it's not the most glamorous job in the world sometimes. Clean up a headless stiff here, maybe kill a guy there, but c'mon, it wouldn't be work if you didn't have to get your hands dirty every once in a while, right? He's in the movie all of 10 minutes or so and is by far the most enthralling character, blending just the right amount of aristocratic eminence and tact with street tough talk and decision making. And he's so cool, he apparently bends the laws of the Earth itself to his whim, with his infamous "It's 30 minutes away. I'll be there in 10." line. Altogether, a kick ass dude to be as long as your willing to bite down and swallow on a lot of dirty criminal doings.
#2: James Bond, 007
C'mon, do I really need to explain? The ultimate cool dude. Kick-ass job (uh, international super-spy? What's better than that?). All the latest and greatest cars. The sickest technology. And the friggin' girls. Oh man, Bond has been with girls of every shape, size, color, ethnicity, age, and any other defining category. Not to mention that he oozes the kind of charm, charisma, and confidence most guys would take a lifetime to work up. And he's saved the world more times than anybody can begin to count. Bond is essentially the ultimate playboy and the kind of guy every male is in awe of. He would make a great #1, except for...
#1: Tony Stark/Iron Man
Tony Stark might be the coolest man ever envisioned. It's tempting to put Bruce Wayne up here, but he's everything Batman is but without all the hang-ups over his dead parents and responsibility. And quite possibly richer. Tony Stark himself is pretty bad ass. Billionaire techno-genius with a penchant for high-end drinks, fast cars, and faster women. Oh, and in his spare time he tools around in a menagerie of armored suits and blows up bad guys. Dude took shrapnel in the heart in Vietnam. Did he bitch and whine about it? No. He manned up and made an armored suit and took the war to Charlie. Sure, nowadays he's portrayed as a kind of neurotic control freak with quasi-fascist tendencies, and there's the whole alcoholism thing, but Stark is far and away one of the most incredible guys ever thought up and his core. I think I'd live with all the flaws to have more money than God and bed supermodels on the regular.
Recently the conversation came up of who I would want to be if I could choose to be somebody else. The original list was a mish-mash of real people and fictional characters, so I decided to the split the list in two and do five real people and five fictional characters. So without further ado:
#5: Warren Buffett's Son
Ok, full disclosure: I don't know Buffett's son, or if Buffett even has a son. BUT I do know that Warren Buffett's worth $62 billion (!) as of this year, and is 77 years old. Crunch those numbers. He's come out and said that he intends to donate the vast majority of his fortune to charity (and to Bill and Melinda Gates' Foundation in particular, c'mon, man)... but I'd see if I couldn't "convince" him otherwise. Just think of the wild things you could come up with to entertain yourself with a bankroll like that.
#4: Ed Reed
Over the past few years, I've really wanted to play football. Just that whole "getting hit in the head repeatedly"/"suffering career ending knee/neck/back injuries" gets me hung up from time to time. Luckily, Ed Reed's got a pretty good answer to that: Play safety and blow people up when they aren't expecting it and are least vulnerable. Safety's always been one of my favorite position because so much of it is waiting, watching, and reacting. Ed Reed just happens to be pretty damn good at it too.
#3: Josh Smith
Really, playing professional basketball in any capacity would be a dream come true. But repeatedly and totally son-ing people like so on a regular basis would be seriously awesome. Really, basketball is fun when you have a grasp of fundamentals, make crisp passes, shoot with perfect form, master off the ball motion, know how to work in the post, etc. But at the end of the day, everyone just wants to be able to jump over everyone else, throw down every lob, slam on anyone's face, and block anyone who dares try and score in your vicinity. Josh Smith happens to be gifted with just those abilities.
#2: Jay-Z
Jay-Z: Rapper, co-owner of the New Jersey Nets, everything mogul. Musically, dude is one of the top rappers of all time and knows everybody in the game and collaborates across genres, displaying a wide array of musical insight and knowledge. In the business world, he seems to be developing an "in" to every market out there and has his name just about everywhere, even getting close with LeBron "License To Print Money" James. On top of all this, the man comes home to Beyoncé. Tell me you wouldn't want at least a day in Jigga's life.
#1: Christian Bale
Christian Bale is the fucking man. Period. Dude is an incredible actor, in all kinds of amazing films, including American Psycho, Equilibrium, The Machinist, The Prestige, Rescue Dawn, and 3:10 To Yuma. Oh. And he's fucking Batman. And let's be real: Dude looks great and has a body that could go toe-to-toe with any model. In an incredible display of metabolism or shear willpower, Bale lost about 60 lbs to play insomniac Trevor Reznik in The Machinist, cutting himself down to about 130 lbs. Bale then went on to gain 100 lbs (in six months!), bulking up to 230 lbs to make a suitable Batman. The man is a machine, with classic good looks, phenomenal talent, and a nose for good movies (outside of Shaft, but c'mon, who wouldn't be blinded by Samuel L.?). All that makes him a clear top pick in who I'd want to be.
Alright, hopefully I can write up the fictional list in the next day or so. Laters.
My boredom is your enlightenment, and I have to do something to get visions of Mila Kunis from my head. Enjoy.
Candlemass - Dark Are The Veils Of Death
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KNcyHxXIH1M
Disturbed - The Night
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1b78qzdWGAM
Iced Earth - A Charge To Keep
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qv4dOZbBI9Y
Ill Bill (feat. Sabac and Slaine) - Darkness Deepens
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rFT5DDP3t0U
Louis Logic (w/ J.J. Brown) - Up To No Good
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1b78qzdWGAM
Lupe Fiasco - The Instrumental
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0L5eHWIis6U
Marilyn Manson - Eat Me, Drink Me
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S3jgK6IFD9s
Mastodon - Aqua Dementia
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tDWO9FPib4c
P.O.S. - Audition Mantra
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=up2CFmAhPgE
Special Teamz - One Call
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qkiCatDeuvg
Updated 6/14 - I can count. Seriously.
Goddamn, how did I make Forbes 400, lololol?!?
Stop smiling, dick.
Earlier this week, Michael Heisley (none-too-enthusiastic owner of the Memphis Grizzlies and shoe-in for worst owner of the year) dropped this priceless bombshell on the basketball world:
“I don’t know if I got the most value,” Heisley confessed. “Maybe our people should’ve shopped (Gasol) more and maybe we would’ve gotten more, done a better deal. Maybe Chris did call every team in the league. I don’t think he did, but maybe he should’ve…”
Oh, word?!? Maybe sending off your all-star big and only decent player with anything resembling experience (fuck you, Mike Miller) for Kwame Brown's under-achievement and $9 million expiring deal (for the uninitiated, large expiring deals for future salary cap space are akin to the Holy Grail in the NBA, but not so much that you wanna kill your franchise for it), Javaris Crittenton's potential (on a team with two other good young point guards), Aaron McKie's all-but-retired corpse, Marc Gasol's visa issues (no, he's not in the country yet, and no, he's not gonna be anywhere near his brother), and two late first round picks in the future was a poor deal? Well, shit, looks like I gotta tell Ernie Grunfeld to table that Caron and Gilbo deal for what's left of Ben Wallace and Eric Snow. Thanks, Mike!
Of course, don't get it twisted. It's one thing for an owner to accidentally allow a GM to make a move that turns his team into the NBA's equivalent to Chernobyl, sure. But it's another thing to spout off and bury him after you drop this fucking gem in exonerating him after people first began to point out the profound ineptitude that had to be at hand to pull off such a stupid fucking move:
"I'm the guy who is making the decisions," Heisley said Saturday. "If people want to (complain) don't get on (general manager) Chris Wallace about the trade -- get on me."
Either way, you're incompetent. You employ incompetent people, or at least people who aren't able to capably stand up to the depths of your mammoth incompetence. Just come clean, dude. You didn't give a fuck about Memphis, or the rest of the NBA. You wanted to dump Pau's salary (and in the process, accidentally create the fourth reich out in LA) and get the team off your hands ASAP, but that shit hasn't panned out so now you stumble over masking your stupidity as just a misstep in your grand strategic brilliance, right?
ANYWAY, when you're wondering why the Lakers have won the title for the next five years, you need only look to good ole Mike.
And maybe Mitch Kupchak for being quick enough to completely rip him off.
And maybe Jerry West if you wanna get into all the conspiracy theories.
Oh, Lakers in 5 or 6, probably, outside of a miracle series by Pierce or Garnett. And titles at least 3 of the next 5 years. The thought of Bynum in an already dominant Laker core is terrifying. Goddamn Grizzlies.
To me, there are few things I hate more than the feeling of a Sunday night. It's the feeling of inescapable fate that my last few hours of freedom are slowly dying off until I'm forced to go to sleep and drag myself out of bed at 4:45 in the morning for five straight days. I hate it. It's the kind of thing that hits me like a ton of bricks waking up Sunday morning. Shit, I start thinking on Friday, as I'm leaving work, how much it's going to suck when Sunday night rolls around. No more sleeping in. Drag myself up to go to my stupid job. Burrow through the granite-like skulls of difficult users. Come home and kill time until the cycle inevitably begins again that night with turning in at 9 fucking o'clock so I can get a decent amount of sleep (sometimes I'll push it to 10 because I'm real edgy like that, knamean?). It's a cold, resolute feeling of inevitability that just crushes your will to do anything. The weekends don't seem long enough, there's never enough time after work, and don't even get started on balancing class into the mix and resisting the urge to eat a hollowpoint.
I dunno, I guess it's a better problem to have than a lot of others (and in this economy: EMPLOYMENT FTW!) But I guess it's all about perspective. Some people live everyday of their lives fearing death. I just fear having to get my ass out of bed for work. I think I can live with that, even if I'm gnashing my teeth the whole way.
In more positive news, no more Spurs until November. And two teams I don't care for in the Finals. Onwards to the draft!
So, I get home. Just worked 10 hours (it's meeting day, hooray!), super busy day on top of a rough night sleeping last night. Pounding headache. I grab some food, hit up the internet, and take refuge in the thing that always takes my mind off of things: sports. And I see this bullshit:
